Succeeding To Fail: A Path to Transformation
In failure, we succeed. Our successes are chronicled in increased self-knowledge, awareness of limitations, and insights into the potential for growth and transformation. Failure and achievement are allies. They create conditions enabling us to be responsible for our decisions and accountable for results. For many, the relationship between success and failure is a mystery characterized by contentiousness and complexity. Success and failure share a multi-dimensional and symbiotic relationship: continual and causal. Their counterpoint in our lives and perceptions of their roles and importance can determine the course of life. Framing failure, the stoic philosopher Seneca offers several orientations that neuter its potency and guidance for not falling victim to its lure of predictability and stability. He writes, "We decide how we act, there are no external impediments to our progress, and through mental acts of will, we can achieve and advance, transforming who we are into our desired self. Senica frames these orientations using the concept of voluntas, which, from Latin, means "a person's desire or intention to achieve and become."
Coaching enables processes of becoming. The coaching relationship is predicated on a coachee's compelling vision of their future and the mental acts of will that chart direction and fuel progress. Central to harnessing the power and potential inherent in the coaching relationship is reframing failure as a constructive learning experience. Failure is a litmus test of character. It tests our determination and challenges our resolve to succeed. As change management expert Daryl Conner indicates, "Change offers us opportunities to become architects or victims of our future." Coaches' roles enable coachees to become self-focused change architects, providing them with the knowledge and skills to facilitate their vision of who they can become.
How can coaches enable coachees to recognize and realize their potential (voluntas) and not be distracted by what the Epictetus warns are the Four Burdens: Foolishness, Excess, Fearfulness, and Injustice that distract attention and drain resources for true goal achievement? Here are three Stoic-influenced strategies for managing failure toward success: the 3Rs, Reflection, Resolve, and Respond.
As Epictetus reminds us; Men are disturbed not by things, but by the view which they take of them."
Reflection is an acquired practice. It requires intentionality, cultivation, and experimentation to be effective. Coaches and coachees must explore the myriad theories, models, and practices associated with reflection and choose strategies to offer coachees. Learning to be reflective can be unfamiliar, even disquieting, as current thoughts, behaviors, and actions are evaluated and measured by others and are relative to desired states of performance and achievement. In his 1933 book How We Think, the American philosopher and educational reformer John Dewey offered three orientations promoting reflective practice: open-mindedness, responsibility, and wholeheartedness. These orientations can serve as conceptual frameworks for constructing the initial coaching relationship. Briefly, the orientations are defined as:
Open-mindedness - The willingness to consider new ideas and different perspectives – open-mindedness leads to continuous learning and adaptability in ever-changing environments.
Responsibility - Acknowledging the impact of individual actions and being responsible for their effects
Wholeheartedness -The dedication and passion brought to an endeavor and fostering a deeper understanding and fulfillment.
Used in the context of voluntas and focused on Seneca's mental acts of will, Dewey's model can enrich and expand coaching relationships by exploring the coach and coachee's reflective capacities and testing them through supervised coaching experiences.
It is not uncommon for coaches and coachees to forget that failing to reflect can undermine success. Failing yields essential information, inferences, and insights that the parties in the coaching relationship need to examine, stimulating reflection. Reflection can reinvigorate the coachee's resolve to progress and achieve their coaching goals. However, if reflection reveals that intended goals are incompatible with new or revised goal inventories, eliminate the goal wholly and quickly, not allowing it to become a distraction.
Marcus Aurelius warns against distractions in his Meditations: "Do external things distract you? Stop letting yourself be pulled in all directions, and make sure to guard against all other kinds of confusion. People who labor all their lives but have no purpose to direct every thought and impulse toward are wasting their time, even when hard at work."
Stop investing yourself and resources in ultimately unproductive endeavors.
Resolve
Resolution is a pivot point. It is a nexus of intersecting cognitive, emotional, and behavioral themes. They bear the indicia of reflection and determination. Reflection requires the coachee to be resolute, generating the courage and conviction to transform failure into success. Also, coaches must be capable of nurturing coachees and their orientations toward open-mindedness, responsibility, and wholeheartedness. British Prime Minister Sir Winston Churchill wrote, "Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts." Courage enables success when we are courageous enough to examine our failures and invite assessment and feedback focused on growth, transforming into our future selves. Consider the case of the British vessel HMS Resolute. In 1853, on an arctic expedition, the ship was trapped in ice and abandoned by its crew. In 1854, it was found adrift in an ice flow. Then, in 1856, the ship was returned to Queen Victoria. In 1879, the HMS Resolute was retired and disassembled. The following year, 1880, the British government commissioned two large partner desks to be constructed from its timbers; one was presented to then-United States President Rutherford B. Hayes, and the other was given to Queen Victoria. Today, the presidential "Resolute desk" is the centerpiece of the Oval Office, having served every president since being received as a gift.
The HMS Resolute, in name and legacy, is a model of resolve. During its commission, the ship served proudly and purposefully, surviving numerous challenges to its survival and success. Then, in the end, when the ship was disassembled, its builders resolved that it would realize a new destiny with an unforeseen purpose 30 years earlier. The desk, built from the ship's timbers, would become an instrument of statecraft. On its desktop, presidents would sign the documents of history. The HMS Resolute fulfilled its destiny of transformation, a future unforeseen yet realized through the reflective inclinations of its builders. The coaching relationship requires the coach and coachee to focus on relentlessly achieving coaching goals. While coaches must be open-minded and responsible in guiding coaching progress, coachees must commit to fueling their growth and fully engaging the opportunities and obstacles that arise. As Marcus Aurelius offers "The impediment to action advances action. What stands in the way becomes the way.
Respond
Reflection and resolve fuel responsiveness. Responding is purpose-in-action. While an action may fail, the failure is recognized and evaluated to determine the following action toward achievement. The American statesman and inventor Benjamin Franklin wrote, "I didn't fail the test. I just found 100 ways to do it wrong." Franklin's response to failure reflects his resolve to reengage and respond to each wrong way in search of the right way to advance. He forged ahead with courage, commitment, and conviction, willing to fail repeatedly toward the goal of succeeding. Reflection, resolve, and responsiveness were beacons lighting his way toward advancement and transformation.
Similarly, the inventor Thomas Edison, regarded as an exemplar of effectively using reflection and resolve to confront failure, offers numerous philosophic expressions to combat failed attempts and encouragement to move forward, including; "When you have exhausted all possibilities, remember this - you haven't" and "There's a better way to do - Find it."
One Edison quote that undergirds the coaching relationship is that "a genius is often merely a talented person who has done all of his or her homework." Perhaps geniuses, coaches, and coachees are considered talented individuals engaged in their most personal endeavor, recognizing, developing, and harnessing their power and potential to deliver beneficial guidance and efficacious ways to improve ourselves, workspaces, and societies. Nurturing growth through failure toward success charts paths toward transformation.
Let me coach you.
